Feeling pretty low as of late.

My life has taken a turn for the sad recently.  It’s pretty easy to sit around and feel sorry for myself.  Everybody else is doing great.  Everybody else has what they want.

To be quite honest I don’t even know what I want right now.  I am grateful for what I have.  I am healthy.  The monsters are healthy.  We are clothed and fed and sheltered.  Truly grateful for these things.

But there is a part of me that has been denied for a long time.  A part of me that I try to push down, even hide.  It’s that part of me that says, “Ya’ know…I want to be treated in a certain way.  I want to be coddled and loved and romanced and treated like the girlie princess in the story.  Rescue me.  Save me.”

It’s a pretty lonely hearted way to live.

I have family and I have people that love me.

I want that to be enough.

I have a soft place to fall when I want to, when I need to.

I want that to be enough.

I am going through one of those times when I really want to ignore the “save me” part of me but I can’t.  I want to ignore it because it just doesn’t feel right to let my guard down right now…not safe because I don’t know the outcome.

I want the white knight on the fiery steed to come and sweep me up and carry me away.  But then again I think I might fight him too…