Since we moved, one of my big concerns was finding a church where we fit in.  I mean, our church in Colorado Springs was one of the hardest things to leave behind.  We had friends there, people that we knew we could count on for anything.  Even when things were difficult within the church we knew that we were loved and, I hope, people knew that we loved them and would support them even when we disagreed on the way things were being handled.

I’ll admit, the first Sunday after we moved in, I malingered…alot.  I was too tired to go to church.  God saw how hard I had worked that week to get everyone settled and happy and ready to start school the next day.  He would let this one slide.  Right?

Well, of course He let that one slide.  But I couldn’t.  I knew the reason I didn’t go to church that Sunday was really that I was feeling sorry for myself.  I didn’t want to meet anyone.  I didn’t want to put the effort into finding this part of our new home.

I thought about it all the next week.  But I didn’t do anything about it.  Just some good, old fashioned ruminating.

I don’t know what actually lit the fire under me.  I do know that Saturday night I sat down with the phone book and looked up the denomination of church that we are interested in.  I found 2 that were apparently close by.  So I called to see what time their services started and since it was late in the evening I could do this without making any human conact, no commitment.

We decided we would try the church that was the closest to our new home the next morning.

When I woke up on Sunday morning (an hour before the alarm went off) I was full of those first-day-of-school butterflies that I always used to get.  I almost decided I was too sick to go to church again.  Instead, I made a big breakfast and reeted my family with a cheerfulness I wasn’t feeling.

When we got to church, Bubba was insanely a bit clingy so I figured this was probably not going to be our new church home.  But Bubba and Lullibell left for children’s church without much ado and I settled back with hubby to listen to the sermon.

The sermon series was on scary stories of the Bible…I like a good scary story…so I figured this could be interesting.  The story they were talking about was Joshua and the wall at Jericho.  The sermon was really good and Pastor John made a couple of really good points that I could feel God drawing to me.

Then we picked up the monsters and Bubba announced that this was the best church ever and he would never go to a different church!  SOLD!

Today PJ started a new series on the Revolutionary and Radical Sayings of Jesus Christ.  Now, I don’t know about you but, I really like the idea of Jesus being this, wild eyed radical, bucking the system, saying these insane things about God and love and grace.  So again the sermon series was very interesting to me.

This morning, the sermon was called “Self Must Die” and is cited from Matthew 16:24-25.  For me the two major ideas that I have been kicking around in my head were the quote from Dietrich Bonhoeffer that PJ cited and the idea of what is my “cross”.

Bonhoeffer said that “security is man’s biggest idol.”  Wow…that really struck me.  I would do anything to make sure, above all else, that my children are secure…then next is myself and hubby…I mean anything…scary, huh?

And the cross…what is my “cross”?  Pretty much everyone I know reads the verse Luke 9:23 and thinks of carrying a cross of burden.  But today Pastor John asked us to look at out cross as God’s will for us, his plan or desire for us.

Funny,  I have been struggling with that very question recently.  So tonight I went to the study group about the sermon to hear more.  I was not provided with a flash of light and an awakening that gave me all of the answers.  I was however more clear on what I need to think about over the next few days and I felt more peaceful than I have in a very long time.

I am happy when I am with my monsters doing Momma things.  I am happy when I am being of service, helping others, loving my neighbor.  I believe that somewhere in those two things is my cross, God’s desire for me.